


The Worst Plan In The History Of Plans Gandalf!!!

by littleberd



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Aulë is the exact opposite, Fíli and Kíli Are Little Shits, He takes over Rivendale!, Hobbiton is pretty damn close, Hobbiton is starting to be called Horrorton, I HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT THAT CREEP!, M/M, Many - Freeform, NO SMEAGOL!, Nori and Bilbo bond, Slow Burn, Smaug doesn't take over Erebor, Tags, Thorin wants to give him a piece of his mind, Yavanna made Hobbits and dots on them constantly, an actual BAMF Thief Bilbo, didn't see that one coming did ya?, like that's surprising, she's a worrywort helicopter mom, so she gives them a way to protect themselves, too - Freeform, with good reason
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-09 08:20:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7794412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleberd/pseuds/littleberd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Smaug settles himself in Rivendale of all places, the Shire becomes like Dale, with the combined help of the Fell Winter.</p><p>Bilbo's parents are dead, no one takes him in, and Yavanna weeps for her children. So she does something not entirely legal with the Valor... She revives the fairy qualities in what little remains of the Hobbit race.</p><p>The gold sickness is becoming far worse than anything recorded before... And legend says the only way to reverse it is to have the heart of a fairy, heh, Aulë wasn't specific whether it be literal or metaphorical.</p><p>Gandalf comes to Bilbo Baggins with a hairbrained plan that gives the poor lad very little hope but plenty of determination, after all... He'd do anything to keep Frodo safe from harm... And less and less food is being grown with Smaug's malicious aura leeching into the crops.</p><p>What's a Hobbit to do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Signs from the Green Lady

Belladonna walks peacefully, arms full with the picnic basket full of fresh produce from the Bradybucks down the lane. A yank on her ankle and up her leg has her landing on a soft patch of daisy's.

"What in the blessed Green Lady's name-", Belladonna's befuddlement becomes even worse, the culprit of her fall is wrapped securely around her leg, a long vine from a blackberry bush, thorns suspiciously pointed away from her skin, and would have been caught on her legs far sooner rather than wrapped around her limb like-like," Like a shackle..."

Belladonna's breath catches, she analyzes the vegitation around her, among the cluster of daisies she had landed on is a flamingo flower, anthurium, a single blossom, near kissing her belly button with it's closeness. Baby's breath tickling her ear with a fresh warm breeze.

A grin, that is inherently Took-ish, takes over her face. She quickly frees herself of the shackle-like blackberry vine, not a single thorn touching her in her movements to gain freedom. She quickly collects what little food had escaped her basket, and skips to her Smial she shares with her lovable husband. She would have to have been blind not to see the signs after all. The poor respectable Baggins Hobbit, Bungo Baggins, faints on the spot when his wife tells him the happy news.

**********

Belladonna holds her newly born treasure to her chest, cuuing over her precious baby boy.

"What should we name him darling?" Bungo asks, face filled with wonder, his son's tiny hand cuddling his finger to his body.

Belladonna smirks, her sense of humor blatantly singing with her pearly white teeth, "Well, since Yavanna found it fit to shackle me with the vines of a Blackberry Bush to give me a sign... I will call our son Bilbo, Bilbo Baggins."

Bungo frowned at the name, the synonym to that name had him scrunching in confusion, " You're going to name him shackles?"

A gurgle of slober bubbles on the baby's lips, his finger is shaken by his baby boy, effectively shutting his father's objections to the name, and feelings of endearment curl around the Hobbit's heart.

"Well Bilbo, nice to make your acquaintance... Bungo Baggins... At your service my boy."

**********


	2. The Desolation of Smaug and The Fell Winter

No one saw him coming. The fire drake blotted out the sun over Rivendale, that's all the warning the elves got. They were I'll prepared for the Beast, it killed near everyone. Except a few that had gone out in a hunting party. 

The twin heir's of Elrond were spaired, but wisely left their lineage behind, big names tend to give Orc's bigger targets after all.

The refugees collected in Bree, Hobbiton, and the Shire. Although the men didn't offer shelter without pay, the Hobbits welcomed them into their homes with open arms. Although they typically had to crouch to enter and walk about Smials... They made, seeing as their pride didn't have to bend.

The twins stayed at Belladonna and Bungo Baggins's Smial seeing as the lady hobbit had known their father and even baby-sat them in their younger years , Belladonna being one of the few hobbits to ever leave the Shire.

And the twins basically switched roles with Belladonna in that respect. Practically adopting the growing Bilbo Baggins and many of his cousins into their Elvish mischief.Their prank wars were legendary.

But as all things good must come to an end... The coldest and most vile of winters destroyed their hopes of happy days.

The Brandywine froze over, just a day after an Orc scouting party was spotted just north of Bree. The Orcs struck fast in the dead of night. Killing the Raiders, and the denizens of Bree first, then came Hobbiton, and finally the gluttonous creatures, having eaten their fill. Openly camped just outside of the Shire. 

They truthfully didn't know that the Shire actually existed. They thought it was just rolling fields for cattle and crops. They would have moved on in the morning, had the head of each house not been stationed outside each Smial... Marking where each Hobbit Hole was.

The Orcs sent into their Wargs to do the dirty work, chewing their way through the various meat they had dragged with them through the snow.

Yavanna, bless the green lady, wept at knowing her children would be extinct if something was not done.

So she did something many of the Valar would shake their heads at. She awoke the fairy blood in the fauntlings of the Shire, the transformation being less painful for children so pure. Giving them attributes in their sleep.

The Hobbit Gents outside of their Smials were slaughtered on their own doorsteps. The mothers and elderly were next. However, they could not find the children.

No matter how much they sniffed, the Wargs could find no trace of a mouthwatering tender fauntling... Or elfling for that matter, the twins still being young and Yavanna having cast her gift on all the children in the shire, be they hobbit or elf.

The only thing remotely out of place were the plants growing in the beds of the fauntlings and elflings. The Wargs soon left, and with them their masters.

Once dawn painted the world in warm colors, the blood of the Children's parents and elderly sunk into the snow. And with dawn the plants growing in the children's beds bloomed a single giant blossom, the children slipping out from within it and onto their beds.

The plants took root on their chests and into their hearts, the vegitation moving with a mind of it's own, curling into a single seed within their breasts.

They each awoke with a start, memories of what happened that night grouped together in one bitter pill Yavanna had planted in their minds.

They had been put to sleep and turned into plants during their slumber in order to protect them. Their elders had been killed by Orcs, and Wargs. 

Yavanna had saved them. But now the children were faced with a new problem. How were they going to survive now?


End file.
